In December of 2015, testing revealed that I was clear of any melanoma, making me six months free of cancer. I was so happy and relieved that I didn't know what to do with myself. Around that time, CureForward asked me to write an open letter for someone recently diagnosed. It's taken me this long to find the right words, if there is such a thing. I didn't have anyone to talk to about it back when I was in that position, so I don't know what insight I can provide, but maybe there is something useful in here. This is what I would share with someone recently diagnosed:
You never imagined that one day it would be you. How could this be happening? You meet doctor after doctor. It all becomes a blur. You get caught up in the ongoing appointments, but the endless needles and loud banging of the MRI machines remind you exactly of what you have been faced with. The talk of treatment names only make you that much more overwhelmed. You’re trying to make sense of it piece by piece, but you can’t ignore the little voice in the back of your head going “and why didn’t I go to med school? Would be sort of useful right about now.” You don't know if it's your anxiety clouding your ability to process it all, but you feel as if they're speaking to you in a different language. You have never been so afraid, but I am here to tell you that it is going to be okay. Right when you begin to ask yourself “why me,” please consider this – that you now possess something very valuable. You feel as if your life being dangled in front of your eyes and at that moment you realize how precious it is and how far you are willing to go to hang onto it. We go through each day like our time on this Earth will never run out, but the truth is that things happen all of the time that are out of our control. No one is guaranteed more days, weeks, months, or years. People are taken from us without any warning at all. No doctor can truly know how long you have left. When you go to Google your form of cancer (because I know you will, we've all done it) it is so important to keep in mind that no two cases are exactly alike. This is your opportunity to stop getting caught up in the little things and focus on what is important in your life. It doesn't take long for you to realize that the jerk who cut you off in the mall parking lot or the long line at the grocery store are such insignificant things, your energy is better focused elsewhere. Your perspective will change. A small part of you will forever be changed. The upcoming months won’t be easy by any means, but they don’t have to be the worst. You can allow yourself to be consumed with misery or you can take each day and laugh, love, experience more than you did before. Believe me, some days it will be a little more challenging, but you must work harder to remind yourself of these things. Eventually, you will fall into a routine and it somehow all becomes more familiar. The number of sleepless nights will begin to dwindle. You will acquire a new vocabulary and start tossing words like “eosinophil” around more frequently; not having any idea what the heck an eosinophil even was before all of this. There will be times where you feel as if your body is giving up on you and giving in to all of the medications. You will get frustrated, because you must take a step back and allow yourself to rest. You don’t want this disease to take up any more time than it already does, but you will have to work to find a balance. I urge you to explore all of your treatment options. Together, we must have faith in modern medicine, there are huge advances being made every single day. I truly believe that there is a cure in the near future, because this disease has already claimed so many more lives than it ever should have. If there's anything to take away from my letter, let it be this – as easy as it is to spend time getting wrapped up in the fear of not knowing what is to come, it could easily be spent enjoying the life we have in front of us right now.